Quarantine Diaries: The End of 2020
I’m having a hard time remembering that billions of people exist in the world.
It’s the first official week of COVID winter, and I’m having a little trouble getting started today. I decided I would start a traditional blog again… if only to give myself some direction and maybe share a bit of camaraderie with everyone else riding out the pandemic in their apartments.
Today started with me waking up (a bit) hungover for the weekly zoom family call (my partner Carp, my grandparents, parents, brother and his partner. It’s my favorite tradition that has come out of the year of the 2020 pandemic. We talk for an hour, and then end by each noting what we are planning to do later that day.
I have been stuck with my blog for awhile. I pivoted a few years ago away from the traditional daily blogs in favor of a more “professional” Medium blog made up of more whole journalistic pieces. I feel like I’ve given up that dream though… which is strange. It’s been something I’ve been working on for the past 10 years or so. However, I still love writing. So I need to reclaim it for myself again somehow.
I’m off of my two jobs for the next few weeks, and it feels great and strange to have even less to do than before. Honestly, it’s a much needed break though… I was getting really burnt out at my public library job and needed to not be coughed on for a few weeks.
We had a great zoom Christmas Eve with my family (my parents dropped off food for us to eat at the computer together!) and then we had zooms with Bens dad, and then went to Christmas Eve church via Youtube screenshare on zoom with Ben’s mom. Later that night I had a catch up zoom call with my Silver 3 ladies from AmeriCorps NCCC (Oregon, New York, Texas and Kansas featured).
Francis is on my lap right now, doing that thing were he sticks your mouth in his ear accidentally. Not ideal. He wants his “dues” (wetfood).
I’m feeling unmoored. It’s a nice day out. I cleaned the house. The cats are following me around like they are bereft of meaning in their life… or is that just me projecting? I need to bury myself back into a book, but I’m also feeling like I should be DOING things… so I’m left in this in-between world. Feeling better now. No more reality TV for me… it’s frying my sense of self.
The days feel like they last forever, and then also go by so quickly. I have a week of paid vacation… am I using it wisely? What the fuck should I be doing? I want to settle in and read all day, but feeling guilty about it.
Grandpa’s surgery finally took place today! And it went well- a major stress lifted.
Cabin fever once it got dark around 5:30 pm. Carp was feeling super tired, and I was feeling full of almost manic energy. I needed to get out of the house, I needed to be reminded that other people, other places existed. Thankfully, we have good friends who were there to hang, and invited me over to check out their new apartment and have a few drinks. I drove out in the sleet and frozen rain, and felt better for remembering what’s outside.
The next morning, I had forgotten where that anxious energy to leave the house had come from. I had so much to do at home, and I didn’t want to leave. It helped that the sun was shining today.
Today was another day that started off motivated and reading the paper, and then I lost steam around mid afternoon and crashed into bed. In honestly, I was exhausted. And the sleep was deep (as all my sleep is). I woke up around 5pm in a bad mood and feeling like I’m wasting my time off from work, like I’m wasting my life.
I took a quick walk around the block in the dark, the cold. And it helped me breathe easier. When I came in, I decided to set up/ use my desk again. I think it’s a sense of place for me, and I think I end up in bed a lot without utilizing it. I also end up unmoored. So I turned on spotify music, hooked up my monitor and my desk lamp again, and got to writing.
Happy New Year Y’all x x
We’re doing a little backyard hang with our neighbors tonight, and I’m going to attempt to make some sort of veggie potstickers. See you next week, in the next year.