It’s not about knowing everything- it’s definitely not about controlling everything. It’s about taking some risks. It’s about feeling empowered sitting on the back porch writing before a rain, but then knowing to come inside when you hear the thunder.
It’s about tearing the plastic off the windows that kept the cold air out in the winter, and letting the spring rain and hail clatter onto your windowsill.
It’s about going for a job, and getting chased by tiny dogs from their caged in porch prowl. It’s about saying “Holy shit” to myself, then finding myself meeting a hearty older woman’s smile, sharing life’s absurdities.
It’s about continuing down the road, and looking out onto the city. And then it’s about seeing a young couple moving a refrigerator into their new home. It’s also about pulling your hood over your head and beginning to jog again when your favorite song comes on your headphones.
It’s about calling your mom in the rain to ask what good eggplant looks like. It’s about letting your boyfriend make the call on the broccoli, if it’s bad or not. It’s about the possibility of tornadoes, and also the knowledge that you’re doing everything in your power to be who you are, today.
It’s about singing to yourself on the way home, and it’s about getting caught by the people of the world while you’re doing it. It’s about finding a big chemical stain on the brick sidewalk, and realizing that this is life. There is toxicity in it, but we are who we are, and we are not going to let the chemical spills lead us. We are not going to try to clean up everyone else’s messes, we are going to clean up our own. We’re going to start exactly where we are, and we’re going to let everything else go. We’re going to walk in the door to our apartment, and we’re going to find that we are still scared of lead paint on the walls, gas leaks in the hallways, and whatever the hell that noise is in the bathroom. We’re going to realize that…
*I just went to check on the noise in the bathroom
…we’re never going to be perfect, but we’re always going to work on being better.

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© Copyright 2018 Annie Windholz

midwestern librarian, writer, activist. subscribe —

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